1 00:00:25,390 --> 00:00:26,870 Thank you, Mavis. That was very good. 2 00:00:27,210 --> 00:00:30,370 Right, come on, Mr. Humphrey. It's your turn to wash and I'll dry. 3 00:00:30,630 --> 00:00:33,570 Have you got any gloves? I don't want to get washed a red hand. 4 00:00:34,410 --> 00:00:36,870 Well, these should fit. 5 00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:40,830 They're dad's. 6 00:00:41,710 --> 00:00:43,970 I can't imagine him doing any washing up. 7 00:00:44,250 --> 00:00:46,170 No, he uses them to deliver the calves. 8 00:00:48,650 --> 00:00:49,650 I'll wipe. 9 00:00:50,070 --> 00:00:53,170 You were in the local paper. They covered our cricket match. 10 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:58,180 manner triumphs over Tenderbottom. Does it mention me? 11 00:00:58,620 --> 00:00:59,720 You're the star. 12 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:03,500 The winning stroke was scored by B. Flocombe, 86. 13 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:05,000 What? 14 00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:06,700 No, listen. 15 00:01:06,940 --> 00:01:12,660 86 was the score that Millstone needed to beat Tenderbottom. The formidable 16 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:17,180 Flocombe thundered down the pitch seven times to carry her team to victory. 17 00:01:18,890 --> 00:01:22,670 attempts were made to carry her shoulder high, and this was finally achieved 18 00:01:22,670 --> 00:01:24,270 using a forklift truck. 19 00:01:27,050 --> 00:01:30,270 Those cheeky young cub reporters. 20 00:01:30,870 --> 00:01:36,330 Well, there's a picture of us as well. Look, there's you, there's me, there's 21 00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:41,050 Miss Trumpley in the slip, and there's Captain Peacock out with his bales in 22 00:01:41,050 --> 00:01:42,050 -air. 23 00:01:42,570 --> 00:01:45,150 Is that Mr. Rumble without his glasses? 24 00:01:45,870 --> 00:01:46,870 No! 25 00:01:47,500 --> 00:01:50,100 That's the winning turnip in the vegetable and flower shop. 26 00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:53,920 Oh, I mean that one. 27 00:01:54,460 --> 00:01:55,460 Oh, yes. 28 00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:56,480 Sorry. 29 00:01:56,820 --> 00:01:59,060 Ah, that's probably the postman. I'll go. 30 00:02:00,460 --> 00:02:03,580 Oh, look, it's Captain Peacock and Miss Lovelock coming back. 31 00:02:03,900 --> 00:02:07,500 Where have they been? Miss Lovelock's been taking him for his first ride. 32 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:11,940 Yes, he was heading on to the town rail doing knee bends for half an hour this 33 00:02:11,940 --> 00:02:15,200 morning. Oh, that's what the crackling noise was. 34 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:17,880 I thought somebody had left a bonfire. 35 00:02:27,900 --> 00:02:29,220 Make much of your horse. 36 00:02:29,460 --> 00:02:30,460 I beg your pardon? 37 00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:31,519 Pat it. 38 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:32,520 Oh, I see. 39 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:33,840 Well done, old chap. 40 00:02:34,540 --> 00:02:38,140 Now, to dismount, you simply take your feet out of the stirrup, throw your leg 41 00:02:38,140 --> 00:02:40,020 over the horse's head, and slide down. 42 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:41,520 Like this. 43 00:02:43,140 --> 00:02:44,140 I see. 44 00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:52,340 Well, I can remove my feet from the stirrups, all right, but the furring 45 00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:53,119 work very well. 46 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:56,200 Perhaps if you get this love lock to get your roof to sit down, then you could 47 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:57,300 slide off down the car. 48 00:02:58,140 --> 00:03:00,220 It's not a burka's horse. It's a hunter. 49 00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:02,620 Well, if it could stand still, I could get a ladder. 50 00:03:04,460 --> 00:03:08,580 Here, tell you what. Why don't you walk him under a tree, hang on to a low 51 00:03:08,580 --> 00:03:12,800 branch, get it to gee up, and then when he's gone, you drop down and we'll catch 52 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,720 you. Really, Miss Brown? Oh! 53 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:18,220 The feeling seems to be returning to my lower regions. 54 00:03:18,660 --> 00:03:21,500 Perhaps I could help you to get your leg over, Captain. 55 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:25,120 I should leave that to Miss Lovelock, Mrs. Slocum. 56 00:03:25,420 --> 00:03:26,780 She's had more experience. 57 00:03:30,060 --> 00:03:31,560 Thank you, Mr. Alphys. 58 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:41,480 He's brought the colour to your cheeks. 59 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:42,960 How did he get on? 60 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:45,100 He's got a natural rhythm when walking. 61 00:03:45,970 --> 00:03:48,810 Unfortunately, a rabbit popped out of a hedge and the horse bolted. 62 00:03:49,090 --> 00:03:50,370 Must have been quite a sight. 63 00:03:51,590 --> 00:03:55,350 By the time I caught up with him, the eyes were rolling, nostrils flaring, 64 00:03:55,350 --> 00:03:56,390 was coming from the mouth. 65 00:03:56,750 --> 00:03:58,590 On top of that, he lost his hat. 66 00:04:00,030 --> 00:04:01,110 I'm sweating a bit. 67 00:04:01,390 --> 00:04:02,269 You're right. 68 00:04:02,270 --> 00:04:03,730 Perhaps I'd better give him a rub down. 69 00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:06,810 It's all the same to you. I think I'll have a shower. 70 00:04:19,709 --> 00:04:20,709 Oh, 71 00:04:21,170 --> 00:04:23,190 dear, oh, dear, oh, dear. 72 00:04:23,690 --> 00:04:25,970 What's that, Mrs. Slocum? Poor Mrs. 73 00:04:26,290 --> 00:04:28,730 Axelby. I thought she was still in Spain. 74 00:04:29,230 --> 00:04:31,450 She's joined a terrorist group. 75 00:04:31,830 --> 00:04:33,990 And she's not enjoying it a bit. 76 00:04:34,450 --> 00:04:36,390 She's not blowing things up, is she? 77 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:41,210 She's known as a sleeper. They're going to activate her when the revolution 78 00:04:41,210 --> 00:04:42,210 starts. 79 00:04:42,730 --> 00:04:44,210 What's she doing in the meantime? 80 00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:48,760 shacked up with a clerk in the Attorney General's office. 81 00:04:50,340 --> 00:04:53,560 She has to go through his briefs when he's having a siesta. 82 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:57,000 Well, she always wanted adventure. 83 00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:00,980 Mr Humphreys, you're looking rather distraught. 84 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:04,300 They want to suspend me at the daffodil club. 85 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:07,460 That sounds very painful. 86 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,140 It's a gambling debt. 87 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:11,960 I was playing strip poker. 88 00:05:13,310 --> 00:05:15,430 I owe them two pairs of Y -fronts and a cardigan. 89 00:05:16,830 --> 00:05:20,970 Ah, Captain Peacock, there's a registered letter for you. It feels like 90 00:05:21,590 --> 00:05:23,050 Is there anything else in the mail? 91 00:05:23,270 --> 00:05:25,790 Oh, yes, quite good. We've had one or two inquiries for bookings. 92 00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,010 What have you got, Captain Peacock? 93 00:05:28,430 --> 00:05:31,430 Well, I earned certain medals during the war. 94 00:05:31,730 --> 00:05:35,290 I never bothered to claim them. Well, I haven't much use for that sort of thing, 95 00:05:35,310 --> 00:05:36,149 as you know. 96 00:05:36,150 --> 00:05:40,530 But seeing the guns of Navarone a few weeks ago brought it all back to me. 97 00:05:41,210 --> 00:05:45,000 So... I wrote to the Ministry of Defence, giving them the various 98 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,340 war in which I saw service. 99 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:48,280 And what did they send you? 100 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:52,420 The Africa Star and the Defence Medal. 101 00:05:52,860 --> 00:05:54,740 They look good on your pyjamas. 102 00:05:57,260 --> 00:05:58,260 It's ridiculous. 103 00:05:58,380 --> 00:06:02,480 I'm entitled to much more than that. Of course you are. What about that time you 104 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:05,240 was parachuted into Yugoslavia with the chipmunks? 105 00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:09,100 The Chetniks, Miss Browns. 106 00:06:09,540 --> 00:06:12,320 Well, there's still a D -note is slapped on that little adventure. 107 00:06:12,700 --> 00:06:14,680 I'm forbidden to speak about it even now. 108 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:16,800 There's a coincidence. 109 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:20,240 Well, the guest booked in for next Thursday is called Slocum. 110 00:06:20,540 --> 00:06:24,160 Oh, well, it's not an uncommon name in the Dales. 111 00:06:24,860 --> 00:06:25,699 Cecil G. 112 00:06:25,700 --> 00:06:26,700 Slocum. What? 113 00:06:27,540 --> 00:06:30,820 Are you all right, Mrs. Slocum? You've gone quite pale under your pancake. 114 00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:33,640 Oh, no, it couldn't be. 115 00:06:33,940 --> 00:06:35,320 What's the matter? Is there a relation? 116 00:06:35,790 --> 00:06:38,410 I was married to a Settle G. 117 00:06:38,910 --> 00:06:40,670 Slocum. Oh, that's right. 118 00:06:40,950 --> 00:06:43,050 How long was it now since he walked out on you? 119 00:06:43,290 --> 00:06:44,550 He didn't walk out on me. 120 00:06:44,930 --> 00:06:46,690 He just disappeared. 121 00:06:47,430 --> 00:06:49,350 Where? In Sainsbury's. 122 00:06:51,050 --> 00:06:53,430 It was quite a shock, I can tell you. 123 00:06:54,030 --> 00:06:58,390 He'd just gone out one morning at ten to nine to buy a pound of slightly salted 124 00:06:58,390 --> 00:07:03,230 butter. They used to cut it off a big slab and then bang it into shape with 125 00:07:03,230 --> 00:07:04,159 wooden bats. 126 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:07,060 Oh, I know. Yes, they had little grooves in them. They used to keep them in 127 00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:09,260 water. That's right, Mr Humphrey. 128 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:11,620 I didn't know he left you as long ago as that. 129 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:18,820 Thanks. Well, it got to be half past twelve. 130 00:07:19,420 --> 00:07:21,380 And I thought to myself, that's funny. 131 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:23,320 What did you do? 132 00:07:23,540 --> 00:07:24,840 I had Marge on me toes. 133 00:07:27,620 --> 00:07:33,700 Anyway, at one o 'clock I went out to look for him. Well, I scoured every... 134 00:07:34,030 --> 00:07:37,450 pub in the area until I'd used up all the housekeeping. 135 00:07:39,090 --> 00:07:41,270 But there wasn't a sign of him. 136 00:07:42,010 --> 00:07:44,970 That was 42 years ago this Easter. 137 00:07:45,830 --> 00:07:50,370 How very sad, Mrs. Flerken. You know, nobody could understand it. 138 00:07:50,690 --> 00:07:52,990 I mean, he was devoted to me. 139 00:07:53,370 --> 00:07:55,670 And to the pussy I had at the time. 140 00:07:58,310 --> 00:08:02,670 You know, it's a funny thing. You know how these things go in waves? 141 00:08:03,530 --> 00:08:07,270 Well, there were quite a few people disappeared about that time. 142 00:08:07,470 --> 00:08:14,450 I mean, the wife of the man next door vanished into thin air. In Sainsbury's? 143 00:08:14,590 --> 00:08:15,590 Oh, no. 144 00:08:15,910 --> 00:08:16,910 Co -op. 145 00:08:18,770 --> 00:08:21,050 Well, here it is. Here's the letter. 146 00:08:21,510 --> 00:08:22,510 Oh, no. 147 00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:23,670 Is it him? 148 00:08:23,890 --> 00:08:28,210 I'd know that signature anywhere. Many's the time I've traced it onto one of his 149 00:08:28,210 --> 00:08:29,210 checks. 150 00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,370 Until it closes account. 151 00:08:32,510 --> 00:08:34,450 What are you going to do, Mrs. Slocum? 152 00:08:34,750 --> 00:08:38,330 Oh, don't worry, Mrs. Slocum. He probably won't recognise you after 40 153 00:08:38,590 --> 00:08:42,110 Yes, that's expensive paper and raised writing and all. 154 00:08:42,429 --> 00:08:46,830 Slocum Leisure Industries, Chairman and Managing Director, Cecil G. Slocum. He's 155 00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:48,170 obviously done well for himself. 156 00:08:48,630 --> 00:08:50,750 Oh, how ignominious. 157 00:08:51,590 --> 00:08:53,890 He's gone up in the world and I've gone. 158 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:58,360 No. Oh, come, come, Mrs. Slocum. You've always held a good position. 159 00:08:58,660 --> 00:09:00,120 I was a shop girl. 160 00:09:00,420 --> 00:09:02,180 A poor shop girl. 161 00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:08,340 Nonsense. I didn't even sell grumpy and all the tiaras. I sold knickers and 162 00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:09,340 fries. 163 00:09:10,580 --> 00:09:16,480 And now I'm nothing better than a chambermaid. I mean, I haven't even got 164 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,980 room for me. All I have to bunk up with her. 165 00:09:20,340 --> 00:09:23,280 Mrs. Slocum, he needn't know you bunk up with me. 166 00:09:24,210 --> 00:09:26,910 I'll move out. I'll go back to the room with the leaky roof. 167 00:09:27,330 --> 00:09:33,190 Of all the gin joints in all the world, he had to choose this one. 168 00:09:33,590 --> 00:09:35,170 I can't think. I'd love to go. 169 00:09:35,410 --> 00:09:36,910 Don't be hasty, Mrs. Hookham. 170 00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:40,930 Look, we can hide you in the cellar till he's gone. How long is he staying? 171 00:09:41,150 --> 00:09:43,850 A week. A week soon passes. 172 00:09:44,330 --> 00:09:48,510 He'll be all right. He can have lots of blankets and a primer stove and we'll 173 00:09:48,510 --> 00:09:51,270 bring you down sandwiches and cups of cocoa and... 174 00:09:51,580 --> 00:09:53,620 You can have the telly and your own poo. 175 00:10:01,220 --> 00:10:05,720 Well, what's it matter if he's done well and she hasn't? As long as she was 176 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:10,080 happy. She's very class conscious, Mrs. Slocum. She always gets into the first 177 00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:12,540 class compartment and then walks down to the second. 178 00:10:13,660 --> 00:10:16,940 Well, I think people were happier when they knew their place in life. 179 00:10:17,340 --> 00:10:21,020 When I was a little girl, there were all the servants in the big house. 180 00:10:21,390 --> 00:10:24,090 And then there was lots and lots of workers running the farm. 181 00:10:24,490 --> 00:10:27,410 Well, here they all are. Look. 182 00:10:30,910 --> 00:10:35,430 That's Mad Jed, the young cowman. He fell out of an aloft onto his head. 183 00:10:36,190 --> 00:10:37,390 But he was happy. 184 00:10:38,550 --> 00:10:41,710 Oh, then there's Mr Ratchet, the gamekeeper. 185 00:10:41,930 --> 00:10:43,490 He drunk too much. 186 00:10:43,730 --> 00:10:44,730 But he was happy. 187 00:10:46,010 --> 00:10:47,770 Then there was Rosie Bell. 188 00:10:48,370 --> 00:10:49,890 She was the dairy maid. 189 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:52,860 She had a vision. It made her hair stand on end. 190 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:54,600 What did she have a vision of? 191 00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:58,460 Well, we couldn't find out. But she could never get it to lie down again. 192 00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:01,220 But she was happy. 193 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:06,300 Oh, that's me in Dad's arms. Oh, you don't look happy. 194 00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:09,700 Well, neither would you be if you had old potato sacks from nappy. 195 00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:12,160 Where's your mother? 196 00:11:12,540 --> 00:11:15,900 Oh, she ran off with the blacksmith. I bet she was happy. 197 00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:22,030 Oh, and look at that old... What we're all standing on. My dad made that out of 198 00:11:22,030 --> 00:11:23,030 old beer crates. 199 00:11:23,070 --> 00:11:26,810 Well, same as the bed he's putting in the cellar for Mrs. Slocum. Mrs. Slocum 200 00:11:26,810 --> 00:11:30,490 will never sleep on a homemade bed. She's definitely Kendall Milne interior 201 00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:31,850 sprung, is Mrs. Slocum. 202 00:11:32,350 --> 00:11:34,250 Well, why don't we give her our room? 203 00:11:34,450 --> 00:11:36,150 And we'll camp out down there. 204 00:11:36,550 --> 00:11:40,710 It's only a small bed, but we'll manage if we turn over together. 205 00:11:41,950 --> 00:11:43,330 Let's not complicate things. 206 00:11:43,910 --> 00:11:46,570 I might turn at the wrong time and we'll be up all night. 207 00:11:56,790 --> 00:12:00,890 Now look, you'll be as snug as a fucking brick. 208 00:12:02,290 --> 00:12:06,710 I fail to see why you have to hide. You've got nothing to be ashamed of. 209 00:12:06,950 --> 00:12:12,750 I quite agree, Captain Peacock. Just because you started off humble and 210 00:12:12,750 --> 00:12:13,750 up humble. 211 00:12:13,870 --> 00:12:16,390 But who's to say he's going to recognise you anyway? 212 00:12:16,850 --> 00:12:18,210 Well, I didn't at first. 213 00:12:18,630 --> 00:12:20,990 And nobody knowed you better than I did. 214 00:12:24,590 --> 00:12:27,910 but I can't stay here. It's like being in cell block H. 215 00:12:28,190 --> 00:12:32,470 Listen, why don't you come and bed down in my cottage? 216 00:12:34,190 --> 00:12:39,390 I'll give you breakfast in bed and we can have a good laugh about old times. 217 00:12:39,950 --> 00:12:41,650 Mr. Moulton, please keep it down. 218 00:12:41,950 --> 00:12:43,410 It's a job for you about. 219 00:12:49,670 --> 00:12:52,510 I think I ought to tell him. He's here. 220 00:12:52,750 --> 00:12:53,750 What? 221 00:12:54,570 --> 00:12:55,570 here till tomorrow. 222 00:12:55,630 --> 00:12:56,730 But he got the dates wrong. 223 00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:59,750 What does he look like? Has he got red hair? 224 00:13:00,050 --> 00:13:02,030 Well, his hair's receding a bit, like mine. 225 00:13:04,510 --> 00:13:07,090 Has a few ginger threads among the gold. 226 00:13:07,530 --> 00:13:08,530 Medium height? 227 00:13:08,670 --> 00:13:09,670 Medium everything. 228 00:13:09,850 --> 00:13:13,190 It seems he's not just here as a guest. 229 00:13:13,430 --> 00:13:17,730 His group is looking for property and land to develop as a conference centre 230 00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:18,669 leisure park. 231 00:13:18,670 --> 00:13:22,510 He said he'd make a substantial offer if the place suits him. But we can't sell. 232 00:13:22,590 --> 00:13:23,590 It's a trust. 233 00:13:24,380 --> 00:13:26,680 Trucks can be broken when there's a lot of cash at stake. 234 00:13:27,060 --> 00:13:28,260 What's he doing now? 235 00:13:28,620 --> 00:13:31,900 Well, I left him looking round the ground floor, but he wants to inspect 236 00:13:31,900 --> 00:13:32,900 here on the foundation. 237 00:13:33,260 --> 00:13:34,600 Oh, he must have found me here. 238 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:38,320 Tell you what, come and hide in this old priest's home. 239 00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:43,760 This is where they used to hide to get away from Oliver Cromwell. 240 00:13:43,980 --> 00:13:45,020 Oh, gracious me. 241 00:13:46,340 --> 00:13:49,440 They must have had some very small priests. 242 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:52,020 Tell you what, throw him back in here. 243 00:14:09,740 --> 00:14:11,340 It smells of old priests. 244 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:15,620 Tell you what, you can climb through this window. 245 00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:19,760 Yes, you get up first, Mr. Moulton, and open the window up for her. Yeah, righty 246 00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:20,760 -o. All right. 247 00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:22,080 Come along, come along. 248 00:14:22,180 --> 00:14:24,840 We'll give you a leg up. There doesn't seem to be a switch. 249 00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:27,680 Oh, oh, don't let him come down here. 250 00:14:28,140 --> 00:14:29,700 Spend him off, Mr. Rumpel. 251 00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:33,740 We're trying to fix up a light for you. Perhaps you can come down later. 252 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:35,320 Well, I... 253 00:14:37,580 --> 00:14:40,340 Our maintenance crew is fixing up a light for you downstairs. 254 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,380 Mr Humphreys, are you free? 255 00:14:42,740 --> 00:14:43,740 I'm free. 256 00:14:45,460 --> 00:14:46,680 Entertain, Mr Slocum. 257 00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:49,660 I'll go and try and speed up the maintenance crew. 258 00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:51,439 Certainly, sir. 259 00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:53,860 Well, how can I entertain you, Mr Slocum? 260 00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:56,000 Gin and tonic? I never touched the stuff. 261 00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:58,000 I had a wife who couldn't leave it alone. 262 00:14:59,820 --> 00:15:01,260 Terrible when it goes to that state. 263 00:15:02,140 --> 00:15:04,760 Shocking. She got through the housekeeping by Tuesday. 264 00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:07,860 Tell you what, while we're waiting, could you show me the outside? 265 00:15:08,220 --> 00:15:10,060 Certainly, sir. We'll start round the back. 266 00:15:10,340 --> 00:15:11,340 Walk this way. 267 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:17,860 Push! Push! 268 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:21,420 I recall a similar scene in Winnie the Pooh. 269 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:23,860 He got stuck in Rabbit's hole. 270 00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:26,020 No wonder it got banned from Brent Library. 271 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:28,920 Oh, 272 00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:35,240 my gosh. If he was a priest, Rachel, Cromwell... I would have had you, 273 00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:36,280 now. 274 00:15:37,500 --> 00:15:43,420 But I'm only wearing this thin frock. I even put my old ratting coat round you. 275 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:45,340 Oh, you're too kind. 276 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:54,200 I see you have quite a large acreage. We could introduce some game birds into 277 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:57,460 the wooded area and the visitors could bang away when they're in season. 278 00:15:57,760 --> 00:15:59,840 I suppose you can do what you like if it's private. 279 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:10,719 outside stuff. 280 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,860 Yes, this is Mr. Moulter, the farm manager. 281 00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:14,180 How do? 282 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:17,920 And this is the wife, Rachel. 283 00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:20,860 Say hello to the nice gentleman, Rachel. 284 00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:24,080 How do? 285 00:16:24,420 --> 00:16:29,640 She's a bit shy with strangers, but she's all right when she gets going. 286 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:37,180 Certainly is, Mr. Moulter. Do you work on the farm, Mrs. Moulter? Oh, 287 00:16:41,450 --> 00:16:42,369 Do you have any children? 288 00:16:42,370 --> 00:16:45,450 No, but didn't for want of trying, is it? 289 00:16:46,910 --> 00:16:49,590 Do you live in the main house? 290 00:16:49,850 --> 00:16:52,050 No, I got a nice little cottage. 291 00:16:52,530 --> 00:16:53,970 Oh, to see that later. 292 00:16:54,290 --> 00:16:57,510 Yeah, you'll have to come round for a cup of tea, won't you, Rachel? 293 00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:02,050 Oh, I'll enjoy that. 294 00:17:02,270 --> 00:17:05,250 You'll make him some buns, won't you, me darling? 295 00:17:05,770 --> 00:17:06,770 Oh. 296 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:11,140 Moulterd's quite famous for her buns, aren't you, Mrs. Moulterd? 297 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:20,599 Do you think 298 00:17:20,599 --> 00:17:23,200 he really believes that Mrs. Slocum is Mrs. 299 00:17:23,420 --> 00:17:27,839 Moulterd? Well, he seemed to. Poor Mrs. Slocum's got to make tea for him so he 300 00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:28,840 can inspect the cottage. 301 00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:30,800 He must indeed be interested in the property. 302 00:17:31,100 --> 00:17:33,060 Oh, you don't want to sell this place. 303 00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:34,920 You're building up quite nicely. 304 00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:39,240 Mr. Humphreys, it's just settling down, aren't you, Mr. Humphreys? Well, I am 305 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:40,240 sleeping better. 306 00:17:41,700 --> 00:17:44,560 The farmyard noises hardly disturb me at all. 307 00:17:44,780 --> 00:17:45,659 That's right. 308 00:17:45,660 --> 00:17:48,340 And he even slept through the early morning clock today. 309 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:51,640 Did you? 310 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:53,960 Do you know, I must have done. 311 00:17:55,680 --> 00:18:00,940 Anyway, as I see it, according to the terms of the trust, we're not allowed to 312 00:18:00,940 --> 00:18:04,580 sew. No, otherwise we would have sold it, right? Or copped the lolly. 313 00:18:05,130 --> 00:18:09,830 Now, as I read the document, if the trustees get an offer higher than the 314 00:18:09,830 --> 00:18:13,670 price, they're obliged to sell and distribute the capital amongst the 315 00:18:13,670 --> 00:18:15,070 beneficiaries, namely us. 316 00:18:15,410 --> 00:18:17,190 Well, what is the market value? 317 00:18:17,650 --> 00:18:21,830 Well, in the present situation, the present state of structural condition, 318 00:18:21,830 --> 00:18:23,610 say £350 ,000. 319 00:18:23,990 --> 00:18:26,990 That's nearly £50 ,000 each. I say sell. 320 00:18:27,210 --> 00:18:31,230 Hang on a minute, Miss Browns. Even well invested, that would bring you in less 321 00:18:31,230 --> 00:18:32,250 than £100 a week. 322 00:18:32,620 --> 00:18:35,280 Well, we did better than that with the tour party at the weekend. 323 00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:40,140 Well, according to one of the provisions, the staff have to be kept 324 00:18:40,140 --> 00:18:42,500 have our jobs. But we would not be our own bosses. 325 00:18:42,860 --> 00:18:45,000 Yeah, and you know what rich people is like? 326 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,280 They'd have you working your fingers to the bone. 327 00:18:47,580 --> 00:18:50,420 And Mr. Humphreys is not an early riser. 328 00:18:52,780 --> 00:18:53,780 Oh, yes. 329 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,500 Do you know, I never have been. 330 00:18:57,040 --> 00:19:01,800 I think I should warn you that I saw the figure 550 on Mr. Slocum's notes. 331 00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:04,400 Perhaps he wants his early morning tea at ten to six. 332 00:19:08,980 --> 00:19:11,160 Hey, you, old woman. 333 00:19:11,540 --> 00:19:13,960 You do realise this is private property? 334 00:19:14,700 --> 00:19:16,600 It's me, you duck paper. 335 00:19:17,420 --> 00:19:19,380 My word, you have gone native. 336 00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:25,280 You see, my ex -husband is here, and I don't want him to know how I've come 337 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:26,239 in the world. 338 00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:28,820 So you've disguised yourself as a millionaire tramp. 339 00:19:29,550 --> 00:19:33,750 Will you look in the kitchen window and see if you can see a man with receding 340 00:19:33,750 --> 00:19:37,550 red hair, a plain face and medium everything else? 341 00:19:44,130 --> 00:19:45,130 There is. 342 00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:46,350 Oh, heck. 343 00:19:46,530 --> 00:19:47,850 It's Mr. Rumbold. 344 00:19:51,370 --> 00:19:52,750 Is the coat clear? 345 00:19:53,070 --> 00:19:55,230 Yeah, come on. He's upstairs having a siesta. 346 00:19:55,510 --> 00:19:59,830 Oh, I've had such a time at Mr. Moulter's house. Do you know He's got a 347 00:19:59,830 --> 00:20:03,690 photograph. He says it's me pulling up radishes as a land girl. 348 00:20:03,990 --> 00:20:06,670 Well, it was taken from behind. It could have been anybody. 349 00:20:07,770 --> 00:20:13,050 Oh, take a notice of him. He's got lots of photos taken from behind a land girl 350 00:20:13,050 --> 00:20:14,090 pulling up radishes. 351 00:20:14,430 --> 00:20:15,950 It was one of his weaknesses. 352 00:20:16,590 --> 00:20:17,730 He were land girl mad. 353 00:20:18,130 --> 00:20:22,010 He was quite sorry when Hitler packed it all in and they had to go home. 354 00:20:23,150 --> 00:20:24,770 He's so earthy. 355 00:20:25,130 --> 00:20:27,010 He wanted me to make him some buns. 356 00:20:27,690 --> 00:20:31,270 He gave me a sack of flour, a bag of raisins, and told me to get on with it. 357 00:20:31,910 --> 00:20:36,830 And do you know he's got a cooking stove with 1886 on the door? 358 00:20:37,490 --> 00:20:39,790 Oh, never you mind that. I'll go and do it. 359 00:20:40,290 --> 00:20:44,610 Mrs. Logan, we were just discussing what the implications will be if your 360 00:20:44,610 --> 00:20:45,850 husband buys the hotel. 361 00:20:46,710 --> 00:20:48,030 Cecil, buy this hotel. 362 00:20:48,470 --> 00:20:51,610 Yeah, Mr. Rambod would say you'd have to keep us on a star. 363 00:20:57,260 --> 00:20:58,640 Slocum, don't upset yourself. 364 00:20:59,380 --> 00:21:02,560 And him walking about looking down his door like this. 365 00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:06,880 Of course, I know my magnetism's gone. 366 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:10,340 I kept it going for 20 years. 367 00:21:11,700 --> 00:21:14,340 Now I was hoping he'd come back. 368 00:21:15,140 --> 00:21:17,520 And then your magnetism lost its pull. 369 00:21:19,260 --> 00:21:23,120 Oh, don't worry, Mrs. Slocum. I'm sure he'd let you take redundancy. 370 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:29,260 I don't think that was very tactful, Mr Rumble. 371 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:31,500 Here, Mrs Slocum. 372 00:21:31,860 --> 00:21:34,800 Wipe your eyes on the tea towel. Oh, thank you, Lord. 373 00:21:36,900 --> 00:21:38,800 You know something? 374 00:21:39,020 --> 00:21:42,540 If he was to take on the number of staff that they had on the farm in the old 375 00:21:42,540 --> 00:21:46,480 days, then, well, he might find the proposition not really worthwhile. 376 00:21:46,940 --> 00:21:48,800 Did they have a lot? No, well, look at that. 377 00:21:49,220 --> 00:21:53,080 Oh, blimey. That's enough to put anyone off. Well, they're all happy. 378 00:21:56,460 --> 00:22:00,080 I'm sure Mr. Moulterd could rustle up a few farming types from the village to 379 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:01,019 make up the numbers. 380 00:22:01,020 --> 00:22:04,520 They had half a dozen local yokels, and the proposition would not be cost 381 00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:08,100 -effective. Cheer up, Mr. Crocombe. All is not yet lost. 382 00:22:08,340 --> 00:22:09,640 Except your magnetism. 383 00:22:12,340 --> 00:22:14,060 Right, now let me get this straight. 384 00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:16,780 You have a head waiter and two assistant waiters. 385 00:22:17,360 --> 00:22:21,340 You have a barman, a hall porter, and two chambermaids. You have a manager, a 386 00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:23,180 chef, and two kitchen hands. And me. 387 00:22:23,850 --> 00:22:25,890 I've seen the barman and the manager. Where are the others? 388 00:22:26,210 --> 00:22:27,230 It's their day off. 389 00:22:27,510 --> 00:22:29,570 On top of all that, there's the outside staff. 390 00:22:29,790 --> 00:22:30,629 That's right. 391 00:22:30,630 --> 00:22:32,130 Well, I've only met Mr. and Mrs. 392 00:22:32,610 --> 00:22:34,190 Moulterd. Who else is there? 393 00:22:34,550 --> 00:22:36,630 Well, I'm not sure. There's quite a few. 394 00:22:43,330 --> 00:22:45,330 Oh, you've been a long time, Dad. 395 00:22:46,370 --> 00:22:48,230 Mrs. Slogan will be here in a minute. 396 00:22:48,490 --> 00:22:49,570 Where's Mrs. Slogan? 397 00:22:49,770 --> 00:22:52,390 Oh, she's upstairs. She's been looking out for my mum's old clothes. 398 00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:04,020 Mrs. Slocum, you're my fine figure of a woman. 399 00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:09,960 I think you've took your rightful place here at last. 400 00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:15,200 Mr. Moulton, I'm only doing this for Millstone Manor, so don't get any fancy 401 00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:17,060 ideas, and you're very late. 402 00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:21,920 Well, I've been up the village to get the blokes like Captain Pinkock sent. 403 00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:22,819 have you got? 404 00:23:22,820 --> 00:23:23,820 Nobody. 405 00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:26,700 They've all gone to the cattle show. 406 00:23:26,900 --> 00:23:28,340 I don't know when they'll be back. 407 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,100 I left messages all round. 408 00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:33,180 Have you told Captain Peacock? 409 00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:34,720 Yeah, he didn't have to take on. 410 00:23:35,020 --> 00:23:40,540 He used words I ain't heard used since I runned over the vicar's foot with a 411 00:23:40,540 --> 00:23:41,540 tractor. 412 00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:44,440 They're coming. Do I look all right? 413 00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:47,960 Yes, but you can't possibly be my daughter. We said we hadn't any 414 00:23:48,620 --> 00:23:50,380 Yeah, I said she was barren. 415 00:23:50,620 --> 00:23:52,240 I said keep out of sight then. 416 00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:57,040 Oh, no, no, no, no. If Mr. Moulter didn't find anybody in the village, 417 00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:58,700 better pretend to be one of the workers. 418 00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:00,260 Right, I'll be back in a minute. 419 00:24:00,900 --> 00:24:01,680 Oh, come 420 00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:09,020 in, 421 00:24:09,020 --> 00:24:10,020 kind sir. 422 00:24:11,020 --> 00:24:17,200 We be sinful folk here, but we be very happy to share our humble grub. 423 00:24:17,700 --> 00:24:22,240 This is Mr. Flocombe from London. This is Mrs. Mulcair. Yes, I've already had 424 00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:22,859 the pleasure. 425 00:24:22,860 --> 00:24:24,120 That makes two of us. 426 00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:29,000 I've had no one from London before, have we, Morris? 427 00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:32,240 I bet you've got a fine big house. 428 00:24:32,540 --> 00:24:35,700 And no doubt you've got a fine young wife. 429 00:24:36,100 --> 00:24:38,340 One of they bimbos, if I shouldn't have said that. 430 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:40,360 Do you mind if we sit down? 431 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:41,740 Oh, here. 432 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:43,420 Assez vous. 433 00:24:45,420 --> 00:24:47,260 That's French for sit down. 434 00:24:48,540 --> 00:24:50,040 I learned that at school. 435 00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:53,200 I waited 60 years to say that. 436 00:24:54,490 --> 00:24:56,090 Would you like a nice cup of tea? 437 00:24:56,330 --> 00:25:00,230 Thank you. I expect you're used to fancy china. 438 00:25:01,430 --> 00:25:07,190 Help yourself to buns, and there's butter there, slightly salted from 439 00:25:07,190 --> 00:25:08,190 Sainsbury's. 440 00:25:10,310 --> 00:25:13,190 You know, I haven't been to Sainsbury's for 40 years. 441 00:25:13,410 --> 00:25:15,230 Well, where the bloody hell have you been in the meantime? 442 00:25:17,450 --> 00:25:21,490 Mrs. Moulthead is always interested in people's travel stories. 443 00:25:21,910 --> 00:25:22,910 Hello! 444 00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:25,679 Who's this? 445 00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:30,960 Oh, I'm Rosie Bell, one of the dairy maids. There's several of us. How do you 446 00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:33,300 do? What an unusual hairdo. 447 00:25:33,500 --> 00:25:34,600 She had a vision. 448 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,400 Oh, that's why it stood on end. But I'm happy. 449 00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:39,780 What's for tea? 450 00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:46,200 Buns. Oh, with slightly salted butter from Sainsbury's. 451 00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:48,920 Ah, 452 00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:50,880 and who is this? 453 00:25:51,300 --> 00:25:52,640 I'm the gamekeeper. 454 00:25:53,470 --> 00:25:55,610 Ratchet's the name, catch it's the game. 455 00:25:57,110 --> 00:25:58,110 That'll do. 456 00:25:59,170 --> 00:26:03,110 So, you're the fine gentleman from London who's going to take care of us 457 00:26:03,150 --> 00:26:04,150 eh? 458 00:26:04,390 --> 00:26:06,310 We'll be one big happy family. 459 00:26:06,850 --> 00:26:08,170 I brung you a rabbit. 460 00:26:09,170 --> 00:26:12,870 If it's too big to go in your briefcase, I'll chop it in half. 461 00:26:13,170 --> 00:26:14,170 Oh, no, that's fine. 462 00:26:14,570 --> 00:26:16,390 You can give it to that bimbo. 463 00:26:17,250 --> 00:26:19,650 You could hardly describe my kook as a bimbo. 464 00:26:20,140 --> 00:26:23,420 Take no notice of Mrs. Mole Turd. She reads The Sun a lot. 465 00:26:24,660 --> 00:26:25,940 Sorry I'm late. 466 00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:35,000 I couldn't find 467 00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:37,840 my hat, and then when I found it, it was on my head. 468 00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:41,940 This be mad jest. 469 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:43,760 Who fell on his head? 470 00:26:44,100 --> 00:26:45,280 We thought he were dead. 471 00:26:56,810 --> 00:26:58,390 I've made you close, Peg. 472 00:26:59,070 --> 00:27:01,170 I forgot to do the middle bit, though. 473 00:27:02,290 --> 00:27:04,250 Oh, that's very nice of you, Jed. 474 00:27:04,530 --> 00:27:05,990 Oh, I'm like that. 475 00:27:07,210 --> 00:27:08,670 Sometimes I'm like this. 476 00:27:09,850 --> 00:27:11,450 Most of the time I'm like that. 477 00:27:12,450 --> 00:27:16,450 Let's be the fine gentleman who's going to look after us all. Oh, I must tell 478 00:27:16,450 --> 00:27:17,990 Ned and Ed and Fred. 479 00:27:18,510 --> 00:27:19,349 No brothers? 480 00:27:19,350 --> 00:27:21,250 No, my sisters, but they're happy. 481 00:27:22,970 --> 00:27:25,910 Well, now, there are rather more workers on the estate. 482 00:27:26,460 --> 00:27:31,040 than I'd allowed for, Mr. Nolteard. Oh, they breed like rabbits, don't you? 483 00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:32,800 Except her. 484 00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:34,440 She's barren. 485 00:27:36,360 --> 00:27:37,360 Hello! 486 00:27:39,060 --> 00:27:40,420 I'm Rosie Bell. 487 00:27:40,780 --> 00:27:43,020 Eh? I thought she was Rosie Bell. 488 00:27:44,020 --> 00:27:46,820 Oh, uh, well, we're twins. 489 00:27:47,420 --> 00:27:49,520 Twins? You don't look alike. 490 00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:13,980 I got some good news. I found a few of the farm workers. 491 00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:15,320 Come in, come in. 492 00:28:15,420 --> 00:28:17,520 You ready to get more mugs, Morris? 493 00:28:18,020 --> 00:28:20,300 Tell us a story about London. 494 00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:24,480 Well, I hardly know where to start. 495 00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:26,700 How about Sainsbury's?